Denial: When it hurts, when it helps, and how to keep it in control

Sometimes there are good reasons for denial,
but often even better reasons to let go of it.

At some point in life, everyone experiences denial, a natural response when life feels too hard to handle and we are unable or unwilling to face the facts. Denial is not always a bad thing. However, we need a good amount of self realization to keep it in control because it might be easier to recognize in others than in ourselves. 

Here's a little insight about denial, how to spot it, and what you might want to do about it.

What is denial?

In psychological terms, denial is a defense mechanism, a skillful tool the mind can employ when things get tough. Denial can help us to survive if a situation is “too much” but it also keeps us from looking at ourselves or addressing something around us and making a change. You can be in denial about something you're not ready to admit or take on, or something that challenges deeply held beliefs.

When can denial hurt us?

Denial itself will not bring us closer to solutions and if it becomes a habit, denial will hurt us. It keeps us on the sofa with another TV show or football game, but the things in our life we don't like will come up again when the TV is off. It looks much easier to watch another show instead of changing what we don't like and this is the danger of denial, where the habits start.  If we get used to denying instead of changing, denial turns easily into addiction. If our problems become more pressing we tend to reinforce these habits with substances like alcohol and drugs.

How to spot denial in our behavior  

If we are in denial, we often exhibit certain behaviors. For example, we might

• minimize or justify problems, issues, or unhealthy behaviors
• avoid thinking about problems
• avoid taking responsibility for unhealthy behaviors, or blame them on someone else. 
• refuse to talk about certain issues, and get defensive when the subjects are brought up.  

In general, whenever we know that change would be good for us, like eating differently, doing the exercise, etc. but we just open the fridge or start the TV, that is denial. We don't face the challenge, we choose the “comfort”. If you want change, you need to build self reflection. Start with spotting the moments when you choose what you are doing and make conscious decisions.

 

Moving from denial to change

Dealing with denial means first recognizing that it's occurring (which can be a challenge for anyone) and then addressing the underlying issue that's causing it. However challenging it may be,denial is just a habit we can change and a huge opportunity to improve our life's.

Denial just means we don't want to take responsibility for our actions and hope by ignoring, things will just change by themself. But our responsibility is nothing we have to fear, instead it is the key to create our own world.

If we want to improve our life massively, we just have to make better decisions and we should start to train with tiny steps. Start easy with simple things like doing the dishes before you go to bed. The chance in your brain will come with new neuronal connections if you focus on the different results of your decisions. You will feel very good  the next morning entering a clean kitchen and You did that! From there you can make it your daily practice to spoil yourself with the results of better decisions that you make.

These tiny steps are all you need to rewire your brain into a reality where you enjoy challenges as a way to steer into the life you really want.

If we feel able to handle our challenges, our brain will not switch into denial.